Dealing with unrequited Love


Unrequited love is love that is not returned. Whether you are the one who loves or is loved, it can be a painful experience. This article will offer some guidance for dealing with unrequited love, which has haunted and inspired people throughout history.

If Your Love is Unrequited

  • Accept that romantic love isn't usually a conscious decision. So, if a person knows that you love them, but doesn't feel the same way about you, don't view it as some kind of betrayal or deliberate withholding. They might want to love you, but simply don't, for reasons they don't understand, and may never understand. Sometimes the feeling just isn't there. Try not to take it personally.
  • Eradicate any sense of neediness. If you're feeling upset, depressed, or bitter, it's probably because you feel you need that person's love in order to be happy. But, the research on happiness says that all you need is a healthy dose of optimism. You may also find that it's a sense of neediness (which you may be conveying without even realizing it) that's turning off the person you love, perhaps by making them feel like they are on a pedestal that they don't want to be on.
  • Distance yourself. You won't want to, but staying close to someone you want but can't have just isn't healthy. Don't tell the person or anyone close to them what you are doing, as they might try to convince you otherwise. Just try to get away for a while. Don't call them, don't go places where you know they frequently visit, and make yourself scarce. If you must have some contact (such as work) respond to messages slowly after a few days. Only call back when you have a good excuse to get off the phone after a few minutes. Take the time to reflect on your situation and learn more about yourself.
  • Enjoy being single. Dealing with unrequited love is a lot like getting over a break up, except you feel a sense of loss over something you never had. Still, you have to learn how to enjoy life without someone, which can be hard in our couple-centered society, but it's do-able.
  • If you want to stay friends, follow the steps in How to Deal With Being Dumped when You Want to Remain Friends. While you weren't dumped, you were rejected, and following that advice will help preserve your friendship with this person.
  • Practice unconditional love. If you feel that you really, truly love this person, then perhaps you can love them unconditionally. You'll know you've reached that point when you can genuinely feel happy for them, even if that happiness does not include you. With unconditional love, there's no sense of loss, because it's about deriving all your happiness from the act of giving - not from receiving.

If You Are the Recipient of Unrequited Love

  • Consider whether you are blocking out their love. Sometimes we feel undeserving or suspicious because of our past experiences, but if you reject love just because you can't trust someone, you're selling yourself short. See How to Receive Love if you feel this might be your conundrum. 
  • If you're sure you don't love this person, be firm. Don't let the person believe that you're on the fence, that if they just do this or that they might be able to convince you to love them. The longer you wait to tell them, the harder it is to do. One thing you can say is "I don't feel the same way about you as you do about me. I don't know why, but I'm sure that's how I feel, and I don't believe it's going to change." They might be angry, bitter, depressed, but they will recover most quickly if you convey that this is non-negotiable.
  • Reduce contact or end the friendship if the boundaries can't be clarified or upheld. If the person is attracted to you as more than a friend and can't seem to put that attraction aside, it's probably best to take the friendship down a notch. Keep contact casual, conversations short, and get-togethers brief. If the friend continues to press or yearn for a romantic relationship when you've made it clear that you don't want one, if they constantly trash talk your significant other (without good reason), or if they let their own significant other demean you, then perhaps the friendship isn't worth keeping, and this person should just be more of a friendly acquaintance.

How to Perform Self Hynposis

 Self-Hypnosis is a naturally occurring state of mind which can be defined as a heightened state of focused concentration (trance), with the willingness to follow instructions.

1) Go to a quiet room and sit in any comfortable chair, couch, or bed. Although some people prefer to lie down, you are more susceptible to sleep than when sitting up. Whether you sit or lie, ensure you do not cross your legs or any part of your body. You may be in this position for a while and this could end up being uncomfortable.
















2. Make sure you are not going to be disturbed for at least half an hour.

















3. Close your eyes and work to rid your mind of any feelings of fear, stress, or anxiety. When you begin, you might find it difficult not to think. You may find that thoughts keep intruding. When this happens, don't try to force the thoughts out. Observe them impartially, and then let them slip away. See How to Meditate for more help with this step.

















4. Recognize the tension in your body. Beginning with your toes, imagine the tension slowly falling away from your body and vanishing. Imagine it freeing each body part one at a time starting with your toes and working its way up your body. Visualize each part of your body becoming lighter and lighter as the tension is removed. Relax your toes, then your feet. Continue with your calves, thighs, hips, stomach and so on, until you've relaxed each portion, including your face and head. Using imagery techniques of something you find comforting or soothing, such as water (feel the water rushing over your feet and ankles, cleansing them of tension) can be effective as well.

















5. Take slow, deep breaths. When you exhale, see the tension and negativity leaving in a dark cloud. As you inhale, see the air returning as a bright force filled with life and energy.

















6. Appreciate the fact that you are now extremely relaxed. Imagine you are at the top of a flight of 10 stairs which at the fifth step start to submerge into water. Picture every detail of this scene from the top to the bottom. Tell yourself that you are going to descend the stairs, counting each step down, starting at 10. Picture each number in your mind. Imagine that each number you count is further down and one step closer to the bottom. After each number, you will feel yourself drifting further and further into deep relaxation. As you take each step, imagine the feel of the step under your feet. Once you are at the fifth step imagine and truly feel the refreshing coolness of the water and tell yourself that you are stepping into an oasis of purity and cleanliness. As you begin to descend the last five steps, start to feel the water getting higher and higher up your body. You should now start to feel somewhat numb and your heart will start to race a bit, but notice it and let any qualms about the situation just drift away into the water.



















7. At this point at the bottom of the water you shouldn't really feel anything, just a floating sensation. You may even feel like you're spinning. Once you have achieved this state you should proceed to address your problems and decide upon what it is you want from where you are. (Note: if you do not feel as stated above, try again, slower with a will to grasp what is happening.) Now start to narrate what you are doing, speak in the present and future tense quietly to yourself, or as if you are reading it from a page. Start to picture three boxes under the water that you have to swim to get to. Once you have found the boxes open them slowly one at a time and narrate to yourself what is happening when you open the box. For example 'As I open the box I feel a radiant light engulf me, I feel it becoming a part of me, this light is my new found confidence that I can never lose as it is now a part of me' and then proceed on to the next box. You should avoid using statements with negative connotation such as "I don't want to be tired and irritable." Instead, say, "I am becoming calm and relaxed." Examples of positive statements "I am strong and slender," "I am successful and positive," and, if you have pain, "My back is beginning to feel wonderful."

















8. Repeat your statement(s) to yourself as many times as you wish. 2 or 3 times should be enough

























9. Once you are satisfied with what you have done and embraced, swim back to the stairs and feel with each step you take the water becoming lower and lower until you have once again reached that fifth step. Once you are out of the water and are on the sixth step you may start to feel heavy or as if there is a weight on your chest. Merely wait on the step until this passes, constantly repeating your aforementioned statements. Once it passes continue up the stairs visualizing each step by its number, feeling the steps underneath you, will yourself to carry on up the stairs.

























10. Once you have ascended, give yourself a few moments before opening your eyes. You may want to visualise yourself opening a door to the outside world, do this slowly and imagine the light that pours in through the door way, this should make your eyes open. Take your time getting up. Then out loud tell yourself "Wide awake, Wide awake" or something maybe that your mother used to say when she woke you up in the morning as a child. This will put your mind back in the conscious state.

















Tips
  • Have an idea of how you will present your suggestions to yourself before you lie down and are relaxed, otherwise it may interrupt your hypnotic state.
  • Writing out your suggestions before induction can be very effective, as a visual list of what you choose to work on can sometimes be more easily remembered than even carefully assembled thoughts.
  • Another way to relax your muscles is to physically tense and hold for ten seconds before releasing; you should feel as well as imagine the tension leaving.
  • Some find that imagining yourself in a peaceful natural setting will relax your mind sufficiently before counting down. For instance, you may imagine yourself wandering through a forest, smelling the trees and hearing the wind. Alternatively, you could imagine yourself walking along the ocean shore and feel the grit of the sand beneath your feet, the cool water washing against your ankles and sounds of the surf.
  • If you can't sleep, after you count down from ten (or go down your staircase), allow your mind to remain in this pleasantly relaxed state and keep your eyes closed while you are lying down and you will sleep much easier.
  • For those of you who like to meditate but can't sit still long enough, just use this as a form of meditation but insert a period of time in between counting down from ten and counting back up to ten.
    It often helps to go to a professional, licensed hypnotherapist for a session first, to see what it feels like.
  • If you are struggling, try visiting a hypnotherapist or buying a recording in order to experience hypnosis. When you have experienced it once or twice you will better know the state of mind you are aiming to achieve.
Warnings
  • Hypnosis does not always work immediately; you may need to repeat it often (e.g. every day for a month or more) to see the benefits. You will need to "train" yourself with lots of practice. 
  • Be careful when rising if you've been lying down. Getting up too quickly could cause your blood pressure to plummet, and you could easily become dizzy or pass out. (This has nothing to do with hypnosis, it is orthostatic hypotension.) 
Things You'll Need
  • A comfortable place to sit or lie down. Subdued lighting and the correct room temperature.
  • A quiet environment where you will not be disturbed for at least half an hour. 
Source : Wikihow

Inspirational Story


"This is a story of a poor Scottish farmer whose name was Fleming. One day, while trying to make a living for his family, he heard a cry for help coming from a nearby dog. He dropped his tools and ran to the dog. There, mired to his waist in black muck, was a terrified boy, screaming and struggling to free himself. Farmer Fleming saved the boy from what could have been a slow and terrifying death. The next day, a fancy carriage pulled up to the Scotsman's sparse surroundings. An elegantly dressed nobleman stepped out and introduced himself as the father of the boy Farmer Fleming had saved. "I want to repay you" said the nobleman. " Yes," the farmer replied proudly. "I'll make you a deal. Let me take your son and give him a good education. If he's anything like his father, he'll grow to a man you can be proud of you." And that he did. In time, Farmer Fleming's son graduated from St.Mary's Hospital Medical School in London, and went on to become known through-out the world as the noted Sir Alexander Fleming, the discoverer of Penicillin. Years afterward, the Nobleman's son was stricken with pneumonia. What saved him? Penicillin. This is not the end. The nobleman's son also made a great contribution to society. For the nobleman was non other than Lord Randolph Churchill.and his son's name was Winston Churchill. Let us use all our talent, competence and energy for creating peace and happiness for the nation."

A trip gone awry..



This is one trip that i will remember for all wrong reasons, as the events before, during and after the trip were all far from pleasing. But one should face such incidents once in a while to spice up things. Moreover, it acts as a good lesson for you to learn for your future.
So here we were, a group of 10-11 friends, on that friday Night at Dadar TT, waiting for our bus, for our  trip to Panchavati & Shirdi, a pilgrim centre around 230 kms from Mumbai. We had planned a weekend trip, so that no one would have needed to bunk the office.  In a bid to decentralize my load, i entrusted one of my friends, the responsibility of reserving a railway ticket for return journey in the evening on Saturday. The responsibility he gleefully accepted.
The bus reached late by good measure, but since we were a closely knit group, we did not realize the loss of time, as we were spending our time chatting and joking.  The bus finally showed up at around quarter to twelve and we all boarded the bus. The journey was non nondescript as within an hour’s time we all went fast asleep, as tired we all were by the chores of the day in the office. The bus screeched to halt at around 5.30 in the morning and we all reached Shirdi, a buzzing little town which came to limelight due to the noble deeds of Saibaba, a godly figure now.  We booked a hotel for keeping our luggage and for bathing, resting  etc.
At around 10 o’clock in the morning we had taken our darshan and we were out of the temple, fully contented. Our next destination was the pilgrim centre Nashik, the Panchavati, the Kalaram Mandir and all had occupied my space for quite a long time, i’d been there, but never got a chance to visit those places. So i was thrilled for sure. We reached at around 1.00 clock in the afternoon, and perhaps from then on the difficult phase of our trip began.
We visited a relative of one of our friends, kept our baggages over there,  and then proceeded. We visited Panchavati and other places and reached a temple, Kalaram Mandir, the temple itself is built well with good architecture dating back to 11th century. I took the first click there from my camera. And suddenly, out of nowhere, a cop came and snatched my camera and proceeded back to the police chowki, somebody uttered that photography was not allowed. We could not see any board mentioning the same however. We went into the chowki and pleaded the cop to return the camera. He yelled like a madman, as if we had committed big crime, he told us amusing stories of how terrorists take pictures of such places and then plant bombs. Did he thought, we were terrorists. He however, mellowed a his tune bit, when i told him that i worked for a Central Government Department. But, the cop that he was, he did not relent till we had bribed him a 100 rupee note. He then returned back the camera and we made our way backwards. I felt, quite angry on myself that day, for having bribed someone, so blatantly, and in the premise of the temple. I had noted down the buckle number of the cop, with the resolve that i would make a written complaint. But back in the hustle bustle of city life, the resolve melted somehow.
At around 5.30 pm we reached Nashik Station, the train was scheduled to arrive at 06.00 pm. I inquired with my friend, who had booked the ticket, he had placed the tickets firmly in his upper pocket, he checked the tickets in his pocket and told that dont worry he had the tickets. So we all went to Nashik Station at platform no. 3, to await the train. That day, the security arrangement and the ticket checking drive was on over zeal, i suppose, as everywhere, we saw the ticket checkers in black coats. We had no reason to worry as we had proper tickets was my guess.
The train was scheduled to arrive within next five minutes as it was around 5.55 pm and i got jittery, as there was no indicator showing the train, or any kind of announcement being made about its possible arrival. My friend accompanied me to the board where the status of all the trains were shown. There was no mention of this train number. So finally, i asked my friend for the tickets to verify what the issue was. He handed out to me the ticket quite confidently, that was the last time i saw him as confident, that evening. On close scrutiny, i, to my utter shock noticed that the friend had booked a wrong ticket. He booked the ticket of a train that was leaving from Nashik to Mumbai in the morning, and our train had left for the day twelve hours before we. I was shocked and worried. Not for myself but for female folks who had their parents waiting for them.
Panicking wsa the last option that evening i had. The first challenge was to get out of the station complex, unnoticed and unquestioned. I told everybody, that there was minor problem and we needed to go out of the station. Everybody gave me stares that made me worry a bit more. But they complied. Thankfully, the ticket checkers did not bother to question us or ask for tickets and we came out of the station. I called another friend of my, Nilesh, who was bit more responsible a guy, than the one who had booked the tickets. I told him the scene and informed him that the next train was at 09.30 pm and we had no tickets for it and the train was packed. The train would have served no purpose as it would have reached Mumbai in the dead of the night.  The next best alternative to reach mumbai by roadways. So we inquired with the Autorickshaws around how to reach Mumbai. It was around 06.30 pm in the evening, the sun had started sinking that evening, a bit too faster i noted.. We were told that if we reached “doodh naka” before 7 pm we may get some vehicles that routinely ply between the upper ghats of Nashik to the lower plains of Kasara, which however, still was good 100 kms from Mumbai. But atleast we could have caught local trains plying from there to our homes.
We informed everybody the hard fact, that we had missed the train. We could not face the eyes of the rest of the members. Anyways, we reached Doodh Naka within next fifteen minutes and fortunately got one MUV which noting our plight, spared no efforts to fleece us, money however was secondary aspect that day, time was the main issue.
The journey in that MUV was not especially a notable one, as we all cramped in somehow, and the driver gave us some more nightmares by his acrobatic sytle of driving on that dreadful accident prone road.
Dot at 09.00 pm we reached Kasara and we were happy to see the train waiting to depart at 09.15 pm. We took the necessary tickets and boarded that train. All of us reached home by 1200 midnight. Around two hours late.
After all that happened, i guess, two hour’s delay could have been excused, and everybody did excuse, for as it is said all’s well that ends well.
But, if i ever learn’t a lesson after that was never to hand over work to others, work which you can do yourself.