The Mad Mad Race…

Next Day a driver reports for duty, after performing long gruesome duty last night, he asks for a short distance trip. He was denied the same. The driver walks away, boards an empty bus and just zooms it away, he drives on the wrong way, kills around eight innocent people, damages countless number of private & government vehicles, the police gives him a chase. His madness stopped only when he was stucked up in a snarling traffic jam in a narrow street.

After inquiry, it was found that the normal looking man, who performed his duties well for last twelve long years suffered from psychiatric problems, he was undergoing treatment which he left halfway down. This real incident happened some 10-12 days before at Pune, near Mumbai. The incident was first of its kind on this side of the planet, we hear about such cases quite often in the west, stories of mindless people going on shooting spree, killing hapless people. In one case i remember a shooter killing school kids in school. This forces me to think, are we all not, ticking human time bombs, waiting to explode ???

Sometimes, i feel, we all are mad !! the degree to qualify may vary, which in turn gives us a label of being a normal sane person. But somewhere deep down, we all are insane. Some mad after achieving some goals, some mad for gaining more and more richness, some mad for other worldly pleasures, some to please their egos. But mad, we all are, to some extent. We wisely cover our madness and label it as career oriented, upward mobility and other fantastic terms. But the madness is the same. Sorry, if somebody feels offended, mad that i am

Yes, a bit of  madness is required, but it should be to a certain extent.  This madness made Albert Einstein, Albert Einstein. This madness made Newton, a Newton.  Your Madness should be your motivating factor,  it should not be a depressing one.

We all carry a loads of anxiety, worries,  frustrations with us.  The world may see a very clean, sauve, sombre face of us, but beneath the mask lies real us. Modern life, and the demands of it, have only worsened the story. Has’nt it ? We all are running an endless mad mad race, a race which has no end, race to achieve targets, race to earn more, earn more for our better future, better future at the cost of losing our present.

Has this recklessness and stress not resulted in increased incidents of heart troubles in our youth. Youths in their prime are dying of sudden heart attack. Leaving behind their uncherished and unfulfilled dreams of a better tomorrow. Some fifteen twenty years ago the deaths of youngsters due to heart ailments were unheard of, surely these twenty years gap coincides with the liberalization of economy that government has undertaken. The situation becomes even more critical in developing country like ours, without much backup systems, the public health system is in disarray, the psychological health of a person is never even given a passing thought. Like in the case of the reckless driver above, the organization, a huge public transport organization accepted that they had no systems in place to check the mental fitness of their employees. Coupled with the fact that people find it very unacceptable to visit a psychologist. A belief most people carry is that only mentally unstable people need to see them.

Life has become more stressful, we don’t get time for ourselves, time to sit for a while, time to pause, enjoy smaller joys of life. I remember one gentlemen travelling in our train compartment quite often. He was a hefty gentleman, well dressed in formals with tie and would stand somewhere, and would travel very silently, but all of a sudden he would start talking to himself and it seemed that he was undergoing some very huge level of stress in his office, he would talk about office, targets, would plead apology to boss, and would talk in a way as if he is in conversation with someone. If a fellow traveller, touched him or asked him what was wrong, he would again get normal, but only for a while.

Are such people not a ticking bomb. For they carry with them their world, world that is not so rosy after all…

So be mad my friend, but, be mad for good and do press that Pause button for a while.

The eternal wait..

It was one such weekend, i was longing for,  had thought of a perfect saturday plan, planned not to do anything, just lie on the bed till atleast eleven in the morning and lazy around. Afterall, was working continously even on weekends from first of January this year. Not all the work was Official, but, engaged still i was since the beginning of this year. I said to myself, i really deserved this weekend’s break.

Nothing unusual happened to put spokes in my plans the day before, i.e. friday, atleast till four o’clock in the afternoon. A fax arrived from just nowhere from our headquarters that afternoon intimating that our top boss, the topmost bureaucrat was visiting the city and would visit the Office. No Sooner did the fax arrived, the office geared itself up in near war mode.  ”Efficient” employees like myself are the ones to suffer these attacks as they are the ones who are utilized the most. I sometimes envy the not so “efficient” ones, who may or not may be efficient, but have surely mastered the art of  dodging responsibilities. What is more annoying is that this lot of people, not only dodge their responsibilities on the shoulders of not so smarter souls like me, but they enjoy watching us toil with almost devilish grin, a grin that underlines how smarter they were.

So, after the review meeting, it was decided that a presentation be prepared, it was almost 4.34 by now and the process of collection of data from various departments, compiling the same into a presentable presentation was not smaller a task. Given the fact that this presentation will go through atleast three bosses from juniors to senior ones who would suggest modifications & re-modifications.

By the time the first raw presentation was submitted a peon came with circular  intimating that the Saturday Weekly Off was cancelled and that everybody would have to remain present in the office by 8.30 am.  Almost in tandem, the boss sitting next to me checking the presentation told that i would have to sit late today. I laughed myself. It was a case where man proposed and god disposed.

So the task of preparing the presentation continued, till late in the evening, till around 7.45 pm, to be precise.  Tired and totally drained i returned home at around 10.30 pm that night. Just gobbled some food and went to bed, not forgetting to set the alarm clock on to ring at 6.30 in the morning the next day. I went to bed that night in no time.

The next morning the alarm ringed and i almost unwillingly and cursing the arriving guest work up and reached the office at around 8.30 am. The work was in full swing, the cleaning work, every department were giving final touches to their figures, preparing reports, giving final look to what they had prepared. A scurry of activities were going on in the otherwise slow and steady paced government office.

Our bosses went to the guest house to receive the top boss, this boss was infamous for his temperamental and aggressive nature and everybody were aware of his nature, hence, each one of them were getting themselves as prepared as they can to answer any query.

It was around 11.00 am, one of the boss once again came to give a final look at the presentation and suggested few more additions in the presentation, those were aptly incorporated. By that time a phone call came that the Bureaucrat had changed his mind and would be visiting our office first, actually visit to our office was second on the itinerary.  We all rushed to the conference room to make arrangement for the Projection of the presentation and it was said that the Bureaucrat would be here within next half an hour.  With heart losing its pace, we all waited for this gentlemen. All last minute preparations were in place, the bouquet, the photographer everybody were in place, for this elusive guest.

Half an hour passed but the guest was nowhere in the sight. Periodic updates were being received from the bosses who were with the top boss. In all this one thing was notable, one boss was at his cool, coolly carrying out this routine work, he said, that the top boss would not visit the office.  One phone call came informing that the boss has now sticked to his earlier itinerary and is visiting the other office.  Soon news came that this boss was checking almost everything, he did not spared even the toilets, telephonic instructions from the bosses came to be careful. Sweepers rushed to the toilets to ensure it was also sparkling clean.

By now it was afternoon, and we all broke down for much deserved lunch break.

We were now as prepared as we were, like young school going kid fully confident to face exam, each one of us were ready to face the top boss. So we were awaiting with our guest.

Since there was no signs of the arrival of the much sought after guest, i thought of leaving the conference room and went back to my cabin to check my mails.  I was feeling lazy and bit of tired and sleepy. At 3.40, i called up the inquiry counter downstairs to get update of the guest, the reply was that he cancelled his visit to our office. I was feeling like being ditched. For two long days, i worked untiringly, i sacrificed my much needed break for just nothing.  However, the news of drubbing that the other office received sent a sight of relief. For sometimes these  bureaucrats are whimsical and prejudiced, some come with the only objective to fire, to show who is the real boss, and unnecessarily one gets dressing down for no reason, i’ve seen many a bureaucrats in last sixteen years of my job.

Sometimes, i really feel that because of such whimsical bureaucrats, the progress, in our country had to wait, just as i was made to wait for my elusive break

Does Education matters ???

Childhood days were days of great dreams, dreams of becoming big, in haste to grow up we would imitate ourselves like grown ups, learn their body languages of grown up people whom we then idolize, habits which stuck up with our persona and in turn swayed us away from our own originality.

The common career trend in our childhood days was to study hard, become either doctor or engineer. It was a profession of repute, it still does is. IT, Biotech, Hospitality or other similar sunrise industries which we see now was not even heard of in the 80′s. Schools and Education was the main source of achieving what we’d then dreamt of, of becoming big.  We would be pampered, cuddled, forced to study, study even harder. The boy or girl earning more percentages then us would be envied upon by parents, and at times hated by us, for because of them, we were being looked down and forced to do what we did not particularly liked much – to study.

Childhood days were of forced education i guess, because most of the times we kids did not understand what we have learnt, so just mugging up was what we used to do. But, as we grew up we started to cope up with the system and learnt more precisely what we were required to. Education then we thought was the only thing that can change lives. Education is important, but, it is not the only thing that can change lives, is now what i believe, your attitude, your experiences, your approach can also change things upside down.

We were in our tenth standard and it was the final year of our secondary education, a make or break year that could shape up our future permanently. Obviously, we all were very serious about the year. Coincidentally, the school in which we were enrolled was a new and our school wanted to prop up the best of results, the teachers exulted extra pressure on us to perform better. We all were a good batch and were expecting a good result for the school and ourselves. There were a couple of students who not so good enough, teachers pressed them hard to study.

Then there was this boy, who had different ideas, he was average in studies, he had good dreams, dreams of college life and the fun of it. He would study as hard as us.  After the exams he was the boy who rushed to various colleges to collect admission forms, and he had scouted around 25 different colleges & collected forms in that one month of vacation.

Soon the D day arrived, and we all waited with anxiety for the results. At around 5.30 pm the teacher came with the results and declared the results, just the basic result of pass or fail, in the class of forty, only three students failed to pass the hurdle that evening , it was a good result by all measures. We were jubilant and it was one of the happiest moments of our lives.

But as our happiness sunked in we soon realized that the boy was nowhere around, we understood that he had failed the exam, the boy full with dreams to enjoy the college life could not have gone to college that year, he was broken, he was nowhere around. He was my best friend, he still is, after so many years, we were actually a gang of four. So we three friends rushed to our homes to find him, we checked up with our parents whether he was seen in the locality, the happiness was now replaced with tension, tension that this emotional boy might end up taking some drastic steps. We reached his home and inquired with his mother whether the boy turned up, the anxious mother said no and asked what was the matter and about the result. We lied to her that the results would be declared tomorrow morning and made a hasty escape. Now, we were really tensed, where would this boy have gone after all. We confided the story to one neighborhood uncle who was very close with us. He too now joined the search for this boy. Our search finally took us to the secluded railway tracks, where we found a faint shadow of a boy sitting all alone on the tracks for the train to arrive, we ran towards him, as we went near and near we found that he  was the boy whom we were searching for so long. As the boy saw us, he became unusually aggressive and started shouting us to stay away from him, he picked up stones from the track and started throwing it at us. His anger might surely have hurted us, then the uncle came in front and said “…son, you want to harm me, come throw the stone, hurt me”, saying so he kept on moving closer and closer to the boy. The boy could not have hurted the uncle whom we all liked so dearly. He helplessly hugged the uncle and wailed and weeped like it was the end of the world for him. Somehow, just somehow, we were able to convince the boy that it was certainly not the end of the roads for him, we managed to bring him back to his house and then we told his parents what had happened. They were also broken.  Time, as we say was the cure, the boy recovered from the failure. No he did’nt study further or re-appear for the exam. But that did not deter him from achieving his goals.

We are still in touch with each others, sometimes, the boy who is now a man, a father of two, becomes nostalgic, comes to the locality, he now stays in other suburbs, he becomes sentimental, takes me down the road where it all happens, once he even took me to the track where he was going to give up his life. He  once thanked me and my friends for saving his life.

Today, the boy is a successful businessmen, he is a Wealth Consultant, last time when i visited his office, i found fifteen employees, mostly graduates and MBAs working under him. The boy in a jovial tone told me, you friends went to colleges to complete your graduation, i plunged into this field and today i employ graduates like you under me, come you too leave your job and join me, i will pay you more than what you earn.

The joke he did somehow hurted me, for i somehow felt that i spoilt some fine years of my life learning the subjects which were never of any use to me. The history of world some six centuries ago that i learnt, is of no use to me, the geography – the easterlies, the westerlies, the physics, the geometry the trignometry nothing, nothing helped, i never understood what Pythagoras, nor did i ever understood the laws of the elements, the law of probability, but still i mugged up just everything and scored handsomely.  What was the use of such education ?

The boy on the other hand,  utilized these precious years gainfully to learn life, to learn people, to learn trade and today he succeeded, he earns atleast five times better than me today. Money is not the factor, the confidence the boy gained is worth appreciating, the command in his tone, the way he presents himself is worth appreciating.

So the pertinent question that lingers to me, is education, the way that it is taught in this part of the world really helpful ? For the kid mugs up the entire year, reproduces it during exam and the next day he gets blank, he learns nothing in the process.  In a way he learns the topic by heart but nothing ever touches his heart. Thankfully, some steps are being now taking to overhaul the education system, I guess it was long long overdue.

Two faces of humanity

Just when you feel like your belief on goodness, on humanity will evaporate something like this happens with me that reaffirms my belief on it.  Many a times, i do feel that I have experienced quite a lot, than others of my age, may be i am quite more sensitive to what others feel smaller things, but, such smaller things adds spice to life, it makes your life more complete.

This is a real incident that happened about an year ago, it relates to one of my old friend. We are together since last twenty years or so. He was blessed to have his father around with him till recently, the fact that i sometimes envied, for my dad left me for his heavenly journey quite quite early, and that loneliness always bites even today after sixteen years of his departure. That vaccum will perhaps never fill. Somehow, i looked upon his dad with same kind of respect that i gave to my father, and the man too was a kind hearted one, perhaps, he must have realized my loneliness and would go extra mile to show his care for me. I would feel re-assured with this fatherly figure around.

My friend and i met in our college days and soon became good close buddies and kept in touch with each others till date. To an extent, i owe this government job to my friend, for i was reluctant to apply for government job, it was for his insistence, that he required somebody to accompany his to the exam centre which was far off from our home, that i filled the form. As luck might have had it, i passed off the exam and ended up getting government job, the poor fella was not so lucky though.

His dad was a retired railwaymen, a proud railwaymen, with lots of stories to tell of his career. My dad was an ex-navymen, so when they met, the stories told were entertaining, stories of days gone by, of changing times.

Some two years back, to my shock i learnt from my friend that his dad suffered from cancer and was in last stage of it, with no real possibility of surviving. Railway job ensured that the treatment and travel was free. He was admitted in best of hospitals, but, age now, was not on his side, he was in his 70s and his body was not supporting the cause.The already frail person grew more frail. I could not control my tears to see this lovely man on bed on respirators and needles pricked all over his bodies.

Soon, the doctors gave up, they informed that the man has now only few days left with him and that they better take him back and take good care of his in the last few days of his company. So he was brought back. The man now had already lost his speech, the only part of his body that was seemingly working now was his eyes and his head, he would very slowly nod his head in affirmative or negation to questions asked. I remember, that evening when i with my wife went to see him, i took his hands in my hands and said uncle don’t worry, you will be all right, we wont allow you to go. Streams of tears rolled down the eyes of this old man. I still feel down when i remember the scene.

For next few days, i kept on visiting the friends place quite frequently, may be for i knew that the last person whom i thought resembled my dad, now was with me for very few a days…

One such evening, i do remember just two days before the death of this man, i went straight off from my office to his home. I sat besides the person. He was lying on bed, breathing heavily. His eyes open, looking all around, as if storing everything for his long journey ahead. Surprisingly, enough, his wife, perhaps had resigned to fate, perhaps she knew what was installed. And she did not show that much of emotions. I used to wonder how can someone be so emotionless, especially when you have spent more than half of your life with a person who shared just everything, joy, happiness, sorrows. The thought of living without must have broken this lady, but she was not exhibiting it. One could have given the benefit of doubt to her, saying that she was not showing her sorrow publicly for her kids. But even that lame excuse failed when this happened. Seeing me come, she got up and went to the cupboard and searched for some papers and brought out the bank passbook and gave it to me and in utmost curiosity she inquired with me, what would be the pension that she would get after the death of the man. No, i am not dramatizing events, i am just putting it as straight as i can. I was shocked, I felt sorry, sorry for the poor man who was lying there and seeing all this in front of his eyes. He could not speak but his moist eyes did tell many a stories. How can a person stoop so low, how can a person become so selfish? I got angry on the lady and asked her that evening, how can even she dare to think in these terms at this juncture. May be my friend, realized the gravity of the error, he asked the lady to go away. She went away with the passbook. I felt very bad that evening. That evening the man felt very uneasy and found it difficult to breath. A doctor was called in, he checked the old man and advised my friend to shift the man to the hospital. The doctor advised that though he may not survive, he may at least die an easy death there. But, the friend declined to do so, i felt very bad that day bad for how people stoop so low, thinking for few thousand of rupees that the hospital might have charged they opted for a difficult death to the man. Is there anything called humanity was the only question that evening, I felt very helpless for i was merely a family friend with no powers to decide that evening.

Somehow the man survived that evening, but his conditions had deteriorated and it was evening of Saturday. Soon the realization dawned upon the people there that if the person expired on sunday, getting a death certificate would be next to impossible for the man was not in hospital and no doctor would give a death certificate, added to that Doctor’s clinics remain close on Sundays, as this realization dawned, they started to scout doctors to ask whether they will issue a death certificate if the man died the next day. Just no doctor was ready to give a certificate like this. The standard advise that just all doctors gave was to shift the man to the hospital. The suggestion that was vehemently refused by the friend.

At around 9.00 pm the friend turned up to my house, he told me that it seems that dad might not be able to survive the next day, and he required to ensure that in such a case, the death certificate should be available. I told him let us try with our family doctor. Our family doctor is one of the best person i personally feel, not for his medical knowledge, not for his experience, but for the human values he practices. I took my friend to him, it was around 9.20 pm and the doctor was winding up for the day. I entered his clinic and introduced my friend to him and told all the story in brief and showed the papers. The doctor saw the papers and said he can give the death certificate. But, after a while, he remembered that it was Sunday next day and he would be out of town the next day. He said, even i would not be available tomorrow. The hopes i rested on him almost started fading,  when the doctor seeing this happening, came out with one suggestion, he said, he knew it was not ethical, but it was human, he said, he would need to see the patient first to decide. So we took him to friend’s house. He saw the patient, checked him, again went through all the papers and then took us to another room, we three sat there and the doctor took out his letterhead handed over to me and asked me to write the death certificate, he dictated the words to me, he told me to keep the date and time blank, nobody afterall could predict death.  The doctor signed the blank death certificate. Weird as it may sound, unethical as it may sound, but, i still consider it was one of the most human acts that a doctor could have done.

As fate would have it, the fake certificate was not required, as the old railwayman battled that sunday only to call it a day on monday morning. At around 8 am i got call from my friend that his dad passed off.

The man finally gave it up, he must have left the world with even more heavy a heart, death perhaps might have come to his rescue for living in this world working endlessly to ensure good days for his wife and children brought him naught. The wife and children could not provide the old man few good days in his need of hour.

After this incident, somehow, i have reduced contact with the friend quite a bit. May be the empty house now makes me feel more emptier. That few days showed me how one stooped so low, and the noble act of the doctor showed, how one can still find hope in despair.